Rules
by Start Stop Go
Summary: AU Drabbles about society's rules. Het, yaoi, OOC, etc. Rule #4: Men do not talk about feelings. --What he wanted to say was: "Men do not talk about 'feelings,' moron.” What came out was: “Reno, shut up.”
1. Rule 1 Bathroom rules & Hygiene

**A/N****:** This is a series of drabbles regarding rules of... society? Social norm? Something like that. The idea is purely ehblahbing's, but I wrote this. Um. Well, she wrote something, I got dissatisfied, and overhauled the whole thing. Yeah. And it was written out of the order of rules we had. So bleh.

DISCLAIMER: As far as I know, neither of us are rich enough to claim that we're the owners of Final Fantasy VII.

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Rule #1: _Bathroom rules do not apply to hygiene. _

Cloud didn't know how he got dragged into this. But he knew that it was Zack's fault. (It always is.) There's no other reason why he's—

Cloud blushed.

—on a date!

Not to mention, it was a _double date_, for Minerva's sake. _With Aeris and Tifa!_

Zack just knew how to humiliate Cloud, huh?

This was the most horrible thing possible. It was that bad.

Zack, that smug bastard, was sitting across from him with an indulgent smirk on his face. Beside him was his kind and gentle girlfriend, Aeris. Tifa, meanwhile, sat beside Cloud with a shy, yet happy smile on her face.

Cloud didn't know how he got here. The day had started off so well, too. And embarrassing-moment-free too. He had finally managed to get time away from school and work to work on his bike. Not even seconds after he got all the tools he needed from Cid, Zack had appeared and—this was where his mind went blank. Though... Seeing Zack's smug look, it was safe and easy to assume that the new, sore bruise on the back of his head was probably Zack's fault.

Cloud glared at the older man, who returned the look with an unsubtle wink. Watching their interaction, Aeris gave a soft laugh and a teasing smile.

Tifa broke the silence, "So, Cloud, how are things?"

And so the small talk started.

After awhile, Tifa and Aeris started conversing on their own while leaving Zack and Cloud to "go do there guy things," as the girls called it. However, Cloud was feeling determined on ignoring that bastard and stood up. Immediately, the girls stopped their chatter and looked at him.

"Uh... I'm gonna' go to the bathroom. 'scuse me." Cloud muttered while looking at the ground. Without even needing to look at his cheeks, he knew he was blushing. He swiftly left the booth and headed towards the restrooms.

Unbeknownst to him, Zack had winked at the girls and slyly followed Cloud.

Inside the bathroom, Zack watched Cloud stand in front of a urinal for a moment before going over to join him. Unzipping his pants, he raised an eyebrow when he saw a flustered Cloud move a urinal away from him.

"Cloud? What's wrong?"

"Zack, haven't you heard of the rule that guys are supposed to stand one urinal away from the guy next to you?" Cloud's voice was unnaturally high and squeaky, his voice cracking a few times. Coughing, he looked to the side away from Zack. "And stop looking at me, you bastard. I never agreed to go on this double date with you."

"Well, why not? You told me you liked Tifa before we visited Nibelheim and looking at the way she's staring at you lately, it's obvious she reciprocates the feelings." Zack looked confused.

"It's none of your business!" Cloud's blush, if possible, darkened. "Stop talking to me. I'm ignoring you."

But Zack ignored that warning, "C'mon, Cloud. Tifa's a nice girl and she's so pretty. I don't understand what's the problem."

Cloud said nothing. Finishing his business, he zipped up his pants and washed his hands. Zack followed suit, never stopping his pestering. When they got back to the table, both girls sighed in relief.

"What's wrong, girls?" Zack asked, sending Cloud a look. Cloud didn't bother looking at him.

"You guys took too long and we drank too much soda. We need to go to the bathroom." Aeris explained with an embarrassed smile.

"Together?" It was Cloud who spoke this time.

"Yes, because it's a rule that women must always take their girl friends to the bathroom." Tifa said sarcastically. She rolled her eyes and Zack suddenly chortled.

"Hahahaha. Another of those rules? In the bathroom just now, when I stood next to Cloud, he moved away and said that it was a rule among guys that you should always leave a space between them." Zack laughed out loud.

The girls laughed too, Tifa saying, "Cloud, I can't believe you honestly believe those Nibelheim superstitions. These rules don't even bother your hygiene!"

Cloud flushed and sent Zack a glare as well as a kick under the table. Zack winced, but didn't stop his laughing. The girls too laughed as they left the booth.


	2. Rule 2 Overcompensation much?

Rule #2: _Long and/or b__ulky swords are overcompensation._

"Hey, girls?" Yuffie conspiratoriallyy whispered towards Tifa and Aeris. "Have you guys ever wondered about, y'know, Sephiroth's sword? And not to mention, Cloud's too!! If you ask me, I think they might be, y'know, a little on the small side—overcompensation much, right? I mean, c'mon. Why else would they need those kinds of swords anyways? Have you ever tried to life one of those suckers? It's heavier than me! You can't tell me that Cloud uses his sword for speed!"

After her small little speech, Aeris and Tifa laughed aloud. Cid, eavesdropping on them, guffawed. Spinning around on his chair, he leant closer to them and said, "Y'know, girls, I've seen his dick in the communal showers. And boy, was his thin. The girth couldn't be more than two inches!"

"What!?!" Tifa moaned, falling back on the bed she was sitting upon. "Man, I followed him this far and now you tell me he's—"

"Wait!" Aeris interrupted. "Didn't Cloud inherit his sword from Zack? If that's the case with Cloud, then wouldn't Zack be the same?"

Yuffie snorted, "Who cares? At least there's a length! I mean, think about Sephiroth's sword! Isn't the Masemune supposed to be seven feet long? Does that make his a short, stubby one?"

Aeris replied, "Well, I don't know.... I doubt anyone does either. I haven't ever seen or heard of Sephiroth sleeping with someone before..."

Tifa said in a dismayed sort of tone, "It's gotta' be true, cos' haven't you heard? It's a _rule_."


	3. Rule 3 Men do not have sleepovers

Rule #3: _Men do not have sleepovers._

"No, Zack." Cloud growled. He glared at Zack from a short distance of two feet. Cloud was standing by his open door, with hands planted on both sides of the doorframe, leaving Zack no room to get in.

"Aw, c'mon, Spike! It'll be fun! We even got Vincent to agree!" Zack whined. Reno stood beside him with a mischievous smirk on his face, with a weary Vincent further away leaning on a stair rail.

In Zack's grasp was a giant chocobo plushie, its yellow feathers and blue beady eyes mocking Cloud. Reno was holding a large bag with futons hanging out, but Cloud knew that that wasn't all there was in the bag. He must've had something discriminating on him, like alcohol or drugs, that couldn't be seen that easily.

"No. Men do not have sleepovers, Zack. Go away."

"Aw, why not, blondie? It'll be fun!" Reno whined, his smirk turning teasing with a few hints of seduction. Cloud blushed but did not leave his perch on the doorway.

With a glare to the both of them, Cloud explained again, "Zack, Reno—" Their names were said slowly. "—I repeat, men do not have sleepovers. Staying over and staying up till early morning then leaving, yes. Sleeping over, no."

Zack turned a sad, kicked puppy look on Cloud. Reno wore an equally pitiful look upon his face.

Sighing and closing his eyes, Cloud can't believe he's even doing this. He held the bridge of his nose with the tips of his forefinger and thumb before stepping aside from the doorway. Reno and Zack whooped and cheered while going through.

Vincent followed. Although he wore an unwilling expression, Cloud could see amusement and enjoyment twinkling in his eyes. Damn him. Vincent was actually enjoying seeing the usually calm blond acting like a cat about to be bathed.

Cloud resisted hitting him.


	4. Rule 4 Men do not talk about feelings

Rule #4: _Men do not talk about feelings._

Reno and Rude just got back from their mission. It was a Saturday, and after giving their reports to Tseng, Reno had dragged Rude to celebrate by going to a local bar below the plates.

Rude didn't really want to go. He could tell that Reno was in one of his moods again. That, added with alcohol, was just asking for trouble. But he couldn't tug his arm away from Reno's rather surprisingly tight grip.

After downing multiple drinks, Rude could see what 'trouble' was. This was one of the rare occasions where Reno actually got drunk enough to lose all sense of tact and caution. He became an emotional drunk, giving Rude a goofy look as if he'd walk over and hug Rude to death.

Smiling an honest to Minerva smile, Reno ranted about things occurring at the Shinra base. Normally, Rude would've stopped Reno, in case he revealed some secrets, but at the moment, he was just too lazy to. And it seemed Reno had no attention span while drunk anyways, so there was no worries.

At the moment, Reno seemed to be talking about Tifa's heaving breasts getting bigger, what color the new toilets should be painted, and about how the bartendered had managed to get the stools to stay on the walls. (Reno had, by then, fallen off his stool and was looking up at the ceiling.)

"Y'know, Rude, I luv' ya', man." Reno then tried to launch himself at Rude, but only managed to hugging Rude's legs. "Ya' know? I-I really tho't m' ass w'sh—w'sh—I dun' even know, man. It don't matt'r non'. It's still th-thanks ta you!"

Rude sighed and pried Reno's fingers off his legs one by one. He rolled his eyes at Reno's words and opened his mouth to reply.

What he wanted to say was: "Men do not talk about 'feelings,' moron."

What came out was: "Reno, shut up."


End file.
